The first two days at Pelling we walked around and visited different monasteries and wondered around. This was followed by two days of not doing much, the first coming straight after Nisarga’s bathroom session which was understandable. But by the second morning of not doing anything I started t
o feel edgy. And I wondered why. It took me a few hours to figure it out but once I did it all made sense (doesn’t it always?). All I’ve known all my life is living/ having a base somewhere and travelling for work or tourism. Either way those days are numbered and I’m usually seeing or doing something. So when it became obvious that we were going to use 2 out of our 4 days at Pelling not going anywhere (walks, monasteries, jeep tour rides, etc…), I felt like we were wasting time. Either we SHOULD take advantage and see more of what is around here, because we probably will never make it back to Sikkim, or we could have gone somewhere else, another town, and seen or done something different.
And then I realized… I no longer have a base! This is our first trip since I officially moved out of my apartment and I have been feeling the anxiety manifesting through my body but haven’t been able to understand it fully or articulate it or even pin point it because it’s so absolutely new to me. For example, s
ince the recent workshop we did at Osho-Nisarga, the one right after I moved out, I’ve had a cold and I had diarrhoea for a few days. But most dramatic has been the fact that I have been picking my fingers endlessly. This wasn’t the case during Vipassana or Gurdjieff workshops. It was a huge contrast. And I just couldn’t stop. Poor Nisarga would grab my hands and hold them and say “please stop”. I just couldn’t. Why was I back in that self-mutilation mode, why was I being violent against myself, what aggression/ stress/ anger/ pain needed to get out?
So no longer having a base means I am not on holiday from a base, I am not going back to any particular place, I am constantly travelling or… I’m just here… now. And that now is right now, and maybe up to some days, and that’s not much stability, and that’s ok. I have to learn to incorporate “living” time “on the road”. As in just hanging out and reading, internet, watching movies, writing, etc. Normal stuff. And when I realized this I felt so much calmer. I am right now hanging out and Pelling happens to be the backdrop where I’m doing that. Great! And it’s ok that there is no home to go back to, that there is not a travelling from or to, this just is. Our next home (as in hotel) is unknown, as is the road, and that is ok. I don’t have to count the days of my trip or holiday, I don’t have to rush, I don’t have to take advantage, I don’t have to do anything just because I’m somewhere new.
So what did we do during our two days of just living? We watched “March of the Penguins”, which made us feel warmer in our surroundings! We also watched “The Secret”, my first time and Nisarga’s 7th or so. And we watched “What the Bleep Do We Know”, which we have both seen a few times and highly recommend both of these last movies to everyone! We listened to Deepak Chopra’s entire audiobook “The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success”, also highl
y recommended, and to Osho discourses. We went on line at the town’s only internet point, with 3 computers, and checked for workshops we want to do over the summer and other things of interest. And we called my mother on skype and wished her a happy 65th birthday! Nisarga, being the incredible romantic and loving pure soul that he is, ordered my mother a red rose to be delivered to her job on her Birthday! He did some yoga, and I read the transcripts from 7 of Obama’s campaign speeches from his book “Change We Can Believe In” which Nisarga picked up at the hotel’s library where we are staying. And we laughed and cuddled and enjoyed our days of just living. And on this day, I stopped picking my fingers again.
Thank you for your grace universe!
o feel edgy. And I wondered why. It took me a few hours to figure it out but once I did it all made sense (doesn’t it always?). All I’ve known all my life is living/ having a base somewhere and travelling for work or tourism. Either way those days are numbered and I’m usually seeing or doing something. So when it became obvious that we were going to use 2 out of our 4 days at Pelling not going anywhere (walks, monasteries, jeep tour rides, etc…), I felt like we were wasting time. Either we SHOULD take advantage and see more of what is around here, because we probably will never make it back to Sikkim, or we could have gone somewhere else, another town, and seen or done something different.And then I realized… I no longer have a base! This is our first trip since I officially moved out of my apartment and I have been feeling the anxiety manifesting through my body but haven’t been able to understand it fully or articulate it or even pin point it because it’s so absolutely new to me. For example, s
ince the recent workshop we did at Osho-Nisarga, the one right after I moved out, I’ve had a cold and I had diarrhoea for a few days. But most dramatic has been the fact that I have been picking my fingers endlessly. This wasn’t the case during Vipassana or Gurdjieff workshops. It was a huge contrast. And I just couldn’t stop. Poor Nisarga would grab my hands and hold them and say “please stop”. I just couldn’t. Why was I back in that self-mutilation mode, why was I being violent against myself, what aggression/ stress/ anger/ pain needed to get out?So no longer having a base means I am not on holiday from a base, I am not going back to any particular place, I am constantly travelling or… I’m just here… now. And that now is right now, and maybe up to some days, and that’s not much stability, and that’s ok. I have to learn to incorporate “living” time “on the road”. As in just hanging out and reading, internet, watching movies, writing, etc. Normal stuff. And when I realized this I felt so much calmer. I am right now hanging out and Pelling happens to be the backdrop where I’m doing that. Great! And it’s ok that there is no home to go back to, that there is not a travelling from or to, this just is. Our next home (as in hotel) is unknown, as is the road, and that is ok. I don’t have to count the days of my trip or holiday, I don’t have to rush, I don’t have to take advantage, I don’t have to do anything just because I’m somewhere new.
So what did we do during our two days of just living? We watched “March of the Penguins”, which made us feel warmer in our surroundings! We also watched “The Secret”, my first time and Nisarga’s 7th or so. And we watched “What the Bleep Do We Know”, which we have both seen a few times and highly recommend both of these last movies to everyone! We listened to Deepak Chopra’s entire audiobook “The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success”, also highl
y recommended, and to Osho discourses. We went on line at the town’s only internet point, with 3 computers, and checked for workshops we want to do over the summer and other things of interest. And we called my mother on skype and wished her a happy 65th birthday! Nisarga, being the incredible romantic and loving pure soul that he is, ordered my mother a red rose to be delivered to her job on her Birthday! He did some yoga, and I read the transcripts from 7 of Obama’s campaign speeches from his book “Change We Can Believe In” which Nisarga picked up at the hotel’s library where we are staying. And we laughed and cuddled and enjoyed our days of just living. And on this day, I stopped picking my fingers again.Thank you for your grace universe!
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