Mcleodganj

We had discussed and agreed to go to the Valley of Flowers during this time before the Gurdjieff workshop. It has been a dream of mine for three Septembers to go after the monsoon, when gajilions of flowers are in bloom in the national park, and I was determined to not make this the fourth September that comes and goes without realizing this trip. Well, I guess existence really wants me to fight hard to make it there. And I was not in a fighting mood after coming out of vipassana. In fact, I did pretty much nothing, almost no physical activity at all, for 4 days after coming out of vipassana. The very last thing I wanted to do was go trekking up and down mountains, along with hundreds of pilgrims, being even colder then I was in vipassana and for longer, and after all that going into a 3-week workshop which I know is going to be really intense for me. It didn’t take much arm twisting for Nisarga to come around. He was also quite fine with staying in Mcleod, and so we did.

So what is so special about Mcleodganj? Lets start with a bit of history. Its fame began when it became the home of the Tibetan government in exile, namely the residence of His Holiness the 14^th Dalai Lama (HHDL). In 1960 HHDL and his followers claimed asylum here following the Chinese invasion of Tibet, and Mcleodganj found itself on the map! Facing persecution, more than 250,000 Tibetan refugees have fled their homeland, on foot over the Himalayas, to seek sanctuary in India. The village of Gangchen Kyishong below Mcleodganj is now the headquarters for the official Tibetan government in exile, with a dedicated team of politicians and legal experts fighting for liberation and the rights of those still oppressed in Tibet. As a result it’s a main traveller hangout especially those who want to volunteer or be connected with this community; young foreign NGO types mostly, “do-gooders”, “hippie wanna-bees,” and “bleeding heart liberals” as they would be called in the states. Fear not, there are also plenty of Punjabis who come up with screaming kids, extended families, bling bling, and roaring SUVs for long weekends from the neighboring state. It has also become a major centre for the study of Buddhism and Tibetan culture, with all sorts of holistic and alternative activities, healing, and courses on offer.

On a personal level, to me it is a lovely escape from India within India. As much as that is possible anyway. I came here for the first time 4 years ago, and have been returning every chance I got. It is a small town where little effort is necessary. This means you can walk everywhere you want to go, no negotiating for a rickshaw ride to your destination and no traffic to get stuck in. Thanks to the many foreigners who pass through here there are many different kinds of cuisines available, mostly vegetarian versions though: Japanese, Thai, Mexican, Italian, Israeli, Tibetan, Indian, Korean, etc. And because the visitors are mostly of the “I want to change the world” type, backpackers and volunteers, the prices reflect that. Most places are not shi-shi, they are laid back, relaxed, friendly. While it actually costs a lot of money to construct a building here, and lots more to own the land, rooms are rented out for almost nothing. Our room, with a small private balcony, overlooking the snow peaks and facing the sun rise, with a bathroom (yes, western toilet; yes, 24/7 hot water; yes, running shower), small kitchen equipped with basic pots and pans and things, and a double bed with heavy blankets costs 200 rupees per night! That’s just over $4, or about €3. And we split that between the two of us! There are also tons of shopping to be done, with all kinds of things Tibetan, funky clothes, silver jewelery, etc.

With all these foreigners around, many searching for something more and many of those wanting a spiritual connection, there are so many different kinds of classes and courses and workshops and things around it is amazing! Almost anything is available for study or practice: Magic, jewellery making, reiki, yoga, all kinds of massage, different kinds of dance (including salsa!), tarot, taichi, Buddhist philosophy, all kinds of meditations, Tibetan and Indian cooking classes, aryuvedic panchakarma, music lessons, sound therapy, painting, and lots more! You could stay here and study for months and months. As for us, I have taken a wonderful one-month ashtanga yoga teachers training course with Vijay (www.vijaypoweryoga.com), a short massage course, and of course tibetan cooking lessons… momo’s anyone??? Nisarga has gone through his reiki level 2 and masters training here, and plans to take a short course on using Tibetan bowls. We are also thinking of doing a one-month aryuvedic panchakarma treatment some time in the future.

And you can volunteer with all kinds of causes and organizations. You can also attend documentary film screenings or discussions with former political prisoners, mass teachings by the Dalai Lama (we did that the day after we got out of vipassana), open mike nights and jam sessions. Yes, there is lots to do and do and do and do and do. And all within a few blocks! And when you want to let go of the mind a bit and go into nature, there are so many different walks you can take. There is the smaller waterfall, and the larger one. The snow line. And forest after forest after forest…

for mcleodganj album go to: http://picasaweb.google.com/nisargaanddeepa/Mcleodganj#

vipassana - love, compassion, equanimity...(by nisarga)

First time I heard about this technique in Poland few years ago, friend of mine told me about it, by that time I thought this is for crazy people. You meditate for 10 days, 10 hours per day, during that time you are not allowed to read, write, speak, and communicate with external word. Inspiration to do this crazy thing was planted by Deepa and Slawek , who recommended this as life changing experience. As I dedicate time fully for meditation, yoga and searching way to get out of misery I had nothing to loose but try. So Deepa and me have enrolled for retreat started on September 15th. Few days before meditation I started to prepare my body by one hour morning sitting to stretch stiff hips, knees and ankle, extended time from 15 min to half an hour without movement.

The day has come and we turn up at the Dhamma Sikhara on 15th September afternoon, we left money, passport, and all valuables in deposit and went to the residential area. I got D block number 1, shared room with 4 other guys. Male and Female were separated in different areas. First sitting started on the same day after dinner. Next morning my body was awaken by the gong at 4am , the moving I`s brush teeth and the other I`s went to the Dhamma Hall for 2h sitting.For the first 3 days main instructions were to concentrate awareness on the breathing and small area above lips , which helped to sharpen mind on observation. On day 4th the body was feeling in pain , which triggered anger, hatred, fear. Those emotions overwhelmed me ,rooted deeply around Hara. That day I went twice to ask teacher for advice, what to do with emotions, how to express them. In response teacher advised to watch them, control the mind with equanimity, awareness and peace. Well , easy to say, hard to do. So backing to my meditation spot, I sat trying to find equanimity and watch my anger. By that time I could sit around 20 min, without movement and then pain came taking out control of the mind and body.

Later on, instruction is to take all determination and sit 60 min without no movement, it must have been joke! It was too much. Day 4 and 5 emotional I`s was crying. I was dreaming for “dynamic meditation” or some catharsis, anything to express what was buzzing inside me.This was Vipassana, based on moment to moment you are observing sensations, without craving and aversion, with understanding that all is coming and passing. Realisation of misery from attachments, cravings and aversions assisting subconsciously through the lifetimes. How to be free from them, how not to react, but act, how to be more self-conscious, be awaken, not in sleep and dream, be able to decide about life. Tears helped to remove lot of tension and anger.Day 6th brought lot of equanimity and awareness. One of observing I`s was able to be present and watch the sensations, as results of this observation, the craving I`s started worried about loosing peace and awareness.The mind was considered itself as very mature, and equanimous organ. That was not true, that was projection built on unrealistic experiences of unaware, egoistic, ignorant myself. That was good fun to watch 31 years old believes, ideas, convincions, views and creation of myself, others and surrounding world, how much untruth,all built only for pleasurable and convenient life. Strong attachment to that believes and craving for separation and immortality.All so easily broken after realisation the cravings for enlightenment and understanding the truth. Craving and Aversion , those two were like one coin, one involved the other, like day and night, coming and passing. How not to be attached to those two in outside world , how to drop the misery , this was visious circle of observation, and again intellectual I`s thought OK , I know. Faith and effort , two of the friends helping to keep peacefull and aware mind.

Day by day, observation of the mind, emotions, projections, fantasies, imaginations, visions , going into different places, stages, energies. How much of that was Vipassana? That was first step to the truth, every journey starts from small steps, or even earlier from first thought. This was done, now there is faith and trust to purify the mind and be awake, be able to observe my-SELF, feel it, understand it and others, be companionate and loving. There was many dreams, very vivid and clear. Final goal was compassion and love, all other steps are only preparation. In the process of dissolving the body, materiality is not existing, all universe vibrate with energy, there is no solidity, no I , mine, me , myself. All is one flow, the law of NATURE, universal law of understanding. Taking second step to discover distant galaxies, first step was forgotten, how to know the nature, the galaxy and universe in this body, in the SELF.

...and the last thing, my I`s have seen today a bottle of cold coca-cola ,just after delicious lunch in carpe diem,and it realised that there was no craving for this crap anymore. Emotional I`s was so happy for that, like there is no more desire for sugar and cola.

Fast track weight loss program!

There were a few times during our past 10 days at Osho-Nisarga that I felt I didn’t want to eat. But fear would enter tall and proud, what if I get hungry later and there’s no food. It’s not like I can just go and get food whenever it suits me, like going to your kitchen’s fridge or even next door to the convenience store. This is a meditation centre. There are set meal times, and it’s a bit isolated. And I wouldn’t exactly want to put junk food like crackers and things into my temple if I am really trying to support my body. So I chickened out. I always chicken out. This “what if” fear factor is so very strong in me, especially when it comes to food. So I ate.

Before we got to Mcleodganj however, I had declared that I wanted to try a liquid fast. More specifically, I declared that I wanted to go a day with just fruit. See how it goes. And if that went ok move on to just liquids: natural juices, herbal teas and water. I asked Nisarga if he could support me in this. By support I meant, go through it with me. Because I know that I do not have the will power to go on a fast, even a liquid fast, while my partner is stuffing his face away. He gladly agreed. How did I even make it this far? Lets rewind a bit.

In May, when we first got together at the Tanta workshop, Nisarga started fasting. Back then I didn’t know much about Nisarga, perhaps I know a bit more now, and he just said he wasn’t eating lunch that day. It was a very powerful day energetically speaking, with experiences that would turn out to be life changing. And he wanted to allow the energy to freely flow through him and not suppress it or stifle it with food. I was like, whatever! (not understanding any of this yet). Ok, so no lunch for you. And there was a special dinner that night, where you are blindfolded by your partner and seductively and playfully fed your meal and with bubbly even!, and he didn’t want to come for the dinner either. And so started a 5 day liquid fast, the first of his that I witnessed. He had herbal tea and water and that was that. I was so worried, I kept insisting he eat. He was doing powerful active meditations in the morning, all the tantric meditations and exercises throughout the day, and spending the night with me, sleeping 3 hours per night max, and still, no food. My maternal side kicked in and for the first time I observed myself trying to push food on someone. After a couple of days I tried to respect his decision, and that he knows what his body needs, and that he knows what is best for him, and that this was not the first or second or even tenth time, but still… eat something! I was not convinced. Especially since all these meditations and exercises were making me even hungrier then usual. I may have a small frame by Western standards, but I eat!!! I must admit however, he was so beautiful during this time. He walked so upright and broad, his skin was glowing, his eyes were shining, there was a loving, gentle power to him, and certainly the no-food plan wasn’t harming him from what I could see. I just couldn’t understand how, or even why, someone would not eat if they had the choice, and still be so active on top of all that.

I love food, I enjoy eating, but more than that, I believe I neeeeeeed to eat. Actually, I believe everyone needs to eat! If you’ve read the entries from Nice and Spain you will have realized by now just what an important role food plays in my life. So I watched Nisarga fast in Ponferrada for a few days, and again Almeria, Valencia, Barcelona and Girona. By now I had dropped my worry, and I was interested and inspired. I wasn’t aiming for 7 or 10 or 14 days of no solids, I just wanted to take a baby step. And since I’m living with someone who knows how to do this, why not take advantage and try. What did I want to prove to myself? That I don’t neeeeeeeed food. That’s all. That I can say no to food, and things carry on all right.

When I told my mother, only afterwards of course, that I had gone on a liquid fast, her first response was: “Why? Eat something!” And I realized I was hearing the same fear, and the exact same words, that I had used when I first watched Nisarga go through it. So I tried to answer this question, since information and knowledge can help reduce fear and apprehension. I explained that I have a problem with eating. I’ve never been bulimic or anorexic or anything like that, but I have always been an unconscious eater! My mother would often tease me and say my eyes are bigger then my stomach, or that I eat with my eyes. Because I would see so much I liked at the buffet table, or on the menu, or in the fridge, or whatever, and then I would end up with so much food! Then I would feel guilty for not finishing and force myself to finish it. So I would finish the plate clean… because otherwise it was a waste of money, because it was a waste of food, because it was impolite, because it was so tasty, because who knows when I would get a chance to eat that again. Because of this and because of that but not because I was still hungry.

I don’t remember in my consciousness ever being told that I had to finish my food or I couldn’t get up from the table, or the guilt trip about the starving kids in India or Africa somewhere who wished they had what I wasn’t willing to eat. I was not a fussy eater as a child or a teenager. And I didn’t experience hunger or the emotional uncertainly of where food would come from next as a child or teenager. So I really don’t know how or when or why I internalized that I need to eat, that I am afraid I won’t get to eat that again or won’t get food later, and that I need to finish what is in front of me. Nevertheless, this sense of guilt and fear are with me big time! I now realize that it probably doesn’t have to do with the food itself, rather, these feelings were superimposed onto the realm of food simply so that they could be felt. In other words, I have internalized from very early on fear, guilt, feeling responsible, and being seen as “a good girl”. So 30 years later, I still play out these emotional games and addictions, even when no one else is looking, and I play them out with my eating patterns.

Back to my explanation to mom. So I tell her that I eat for other reasons than hunger. She replies, “you do? Like what?” I thought to myself, does she only eat when she’s hungry, or has she just not thought much about this? Because I’ve given it quite some consideration. Ever since I was a teenager I have been aware that I eat even when I’m not hungry. And with this awareness I have gone ahead and stuffed my face, feeling helpless to what I thought was just my nature. I eat because I’m afraid, excited, bored, nervous, happy, horny… the great exceptions are angry and sad, I don’t eat when I’m pissed off or down. At least! Also because there is an occasion to celebrate, because I want to bond with someone, because it’s free, because it’s available/ it’s there, because I’m studying, because I want to fit in, because I want to have a cultural experience, because it’s home made, because I want to be accepted, because I want to be liked, because I want to be polite, because someone I care about or someone who cares about me offers me some, because I want to show gratitude or appreciation, because I don’t want it to go to waste or to go bad. Just to list a few reasons. And I’ll continue eating after I’m no longer hungry or even when I’m full, for all these reasons, and the ones listed in the previous paragraph, and more.

Basically what it comes down to is that I eat because I’m making decisions not in awareness. I am not listening to my body, and what I’m really doing is feeding my emotional addictions and games. I tried to eat more consciously, with my first real attempts and success back in March during the Mystic Rose 3 week meditation. The tactics I came up with for myself were: remember to feel gratitude before starting to eat; not even starting to fill up the spoon or fork with another bite full until I was done chewing and swallowing what was already in my mouth; eating in silence. I managed all three from time to time, but once back out in the real world, and certainly throughout the 3 month vacation in the West, it all went out the window.

So this little experiment, however long it would last, was to prove to myself that I could do it. That’s all. To strengthen my will power and my determination just a tad, in the face of an adversary I have always felt powerless against. And the first day was exactly that… a battle! This was my first time, what did I know? I was full of anger and agitation, I was frustrated. The only fruits available were bananas, apples and papaya. Bananas I really don’t like, apples I can live with, papaya was the only fruit on the list I could say I liked. I was not tempted to cheat, meaning eat. Even when we walked through town I was not craving or on the brink of walking into a restaurant. I was just angry that I did not have the choice. There was no particular food I wanted, I was just pissed off immensely that I had no choice. A friend recommended that I remind myself that going into this fast was my choice, and that I only had to do it as long as I chose to do it. This didn’t calm me down at all.

I was so agitated. I warned Nisarga “if I loose my humour, I suggest you feed me!” Luckily I didn’t loose my humour. He was a darling. He totally put up with me, offering more and more fruits. I was starving. Which was a total mind fuck because I had gone days with eating even less than I had done that first day… but I had not decided that I wouldn’t eat. So the mind and the emotions were kicking in. I kept my humour because it was so interesting to me to observe the different emotions that were coming up in me. I thought I would be tempted to eat and full of cravings, but nope, I was just pissed off. I felt like a caged lion or a tiger that could not get to his prey; yes, his, I felt very masculine energy running through me. He reassured me that the first and second days are the hardest, and that after that the body, mind and emotions get used to the idea. Plus it was my first time so it is expected that it will be harder.

We decided that the next day, the first real day of the fast I would not leave the house. Being around crowds and noise was too much for me. So I stayed in the hotel room and guess what I did all day? Blogs and piccassa pictures!!! This was my distraction (see picture), thankfully. Nisarga went out and got supplies: water and juice. It was not so bad. Really. In the afternoon hunger kicked in, around 5ish, but I was not so pissed off anymore. I did yoga in the morning, and drank lots of warm herbal infusions. For some reason the warmth of the liquid really helped settle me down. Nisarga ate papaya and apples on the balcony, I wasn’t tempted. On the second day I still didn’t leave the house, and again my hunter and gatherer Nisarga went for supplies. I continued with yoga, and blogging, and warm liquids. Anger came and went, so did hunger.

So did some friends from Osho-Nisarga who were staying at the same hotel. And I became so aware of what a large social function my eating has; I wanted to suggest we go for lunch or they invited us to come along for dinner and try this place or that, and I realized all we could really share was juice or warm herbal infusions. And it didn’t feel like it was enough, it felt like less, it felt not special enough, not deep enough, not bonding enough, not enough of an experience, to just share a warm drink and not “break bread together!” That in itself was an interesting experience to observe.

On the third day of the fast I started to get emotional. By emotional I mean just that, emotional. Not sad, not angry, not happy, not any one emotion in particular, and not moody either, but I felt like I was starting to overflow with emotions. Sensitive but not in a bad way. So that evening was the big moment. This fast was in fact a preparation for a liver cleanse. That meant that at 6pm, when supposedly I’m digesting in a particular way (informs me my hunter and gatherer), I should start drinking olive oil, up to 150ml, slowly, about every 20 minutes a bit. I had gotten top of the line olive oil for this occasion, cold pressed and first pick and coated in gold or something. 500ml was 8$! And his, and my, surprise, I had no problem chugging the oil down. He is disgusted by it, but I swung it back like water. We also drank lemon juice along with the oil. Sounds fun right? Well… I was happy because this meant we were getting somewhere. As in, this was the goal of the fast and I had achieved it. We went to sleep. And at around 1am… I woke up and made a mad dash for the toilet and barfed out a whole bunch of oil. Apparently it is not meant to be chugged… it is meant to be sipped. Yuuuuuuuck!!! It hurt and it was disgusting. Uuuuuggggg!!!

The next day we continued with juice. Our dear neighbours and friends from Osho-Nisarga were in the process of panchakarma, an aryuvedic detoxification. They had mentioned to Nisarga a potent natural diarrhetic which they had to take as part of their treatment. They had some left. Oh joyous day… according to Nisarga… this meant we could another layer of experimentation to our fast. Bowel cleansing!!! But there was only enough for one person. We decided to split it anyway, and have a whole bunch of husk in addition to make up for the smaller dose. By the way, the aryuvedic concuction is warmed up on a spoon... sound like crack? Not sure if that was necessary because less than half an hour after taking it and Nisarga was moaning and groaning on the throne. Thank goodness that my attack came after his had passed. We took turns sitting on the throne and laying on the bed in pain. Mind you, we had not had any solids in 4 days! (By the way, I was surprised when Nisarga was fasting last time and after 7 days he still had poop, amazing!) Our friends had actually gotten two separate rooms for one night because they needed two toilets! I really don’t want to know what the full dose is like!

Ok... now that we were shiny and clean inside, it was time to eat. Actually, I didn’t want to eat. I was ok with continuing. But Nisarga wanted to eat and I couldn’t hold out without him. I felt tingly all over. I wanted to sit in silent meditation and just feel my body. But at the end of the 4^th day, we sat and had some vegetables and rice. And I could finally say… no, I don’t neeeeed food. I had had a really bad cold during this time, and my period, but still, I didn’t need food. I did yoga and meditated and spent quality time with Nisarga, and no, I didn’t need food. I was happy. And I had lost about 4 of those kilos I brought back as souvenirs on my hips!

A little something on trust:

TRUST!!! Open to trust and go deeper into love.

Trust that existence will take care of you. Trust that existence will provide you with exactly what you need, as soon as you need it. Not what you want, what you need. Not later, as soon as you need it. It will! TRUST!!!

Open to trust and go deeper into love.

Trust that existence will guide you. It will guide you through your heart, through your inner voice, through your gut, through your instincts. It will not guide you through your mind. TRUST!!!

Open to trust and go deeper into love.

Trust that what happens to you is exactly what should be happening to you. Trust that everything happens for a reason, everything happens as it is meant to, everything happens exactly as it should. Even if you don’t understand it, even if you can’t explain it, even if it seems just the opposite. TRUST!!!

Open to trust and go deeper into love.

Trust your body to tell you what it wants, likes, needs, and what it does not. Listen and pay attention. Trust your body to know, and show your body you trust it by following its suggestions. The body will be encouraged, its voice will become stronger, and you will find more peace. TRUST!!!

Open to trust and go deeper into love. Drop your fears and open to love. Drop your fears and trust yourself. Open yourself and go deeper into yourself. TRUST!!!

Meditation 101

I actually had no intention of joining this workshop group. Originally, I was to be in Spain through the middle of September. But when this wonderful man said he would tag along with me around Spain he also said he absolutely had to be back in time for this workshop. Well, I thought to myself, if he was so dead set on it maybe it would be interesting and useful for me too… I changed my return ticket immediately. Fast forward three months later and here we are at Osho-Nisarga.

When I was last here it was after 3 months of on and off, mostly on, living here, and 3.5 months for Nisarga. Both of us on our respective last day at the centre cried and cried and felt so emotional to leave this nest which had looked after us with such love and care, and which served as a compassionate womb overseeing such critical transformations in each of us. So it was like returning to our second home. But now we were returning as a couple, booked in a room together officially, and so it was like returning home grown up a bit. And there were Ma Neelam and Tatagarth to welcome us home. It felt like we had not really left in fact.

So what was so important about this course? Why did Nisarga feel such urgency to be back for it? I never really asked or thought about it. Once I changed the ticket it was done and I didn’t give the course much thought. The title… “self-discovery”. Based on this, I was not expecting silent sitting; I wasn’t sure what to expect but I didn’t think it would include silent sitting. I was wrong! And what a beautiful surprise!

Kamaal, the workshop leader, designed these 4.5 days so that they would serve more like a meditation 101 class; useful to

total beginners as well as those who have been meditating for some time. So since several of you have asked for us to share more about the courses/ workshops/ meditations/ groups/ processes we participate in, what follows are highlights (based on my opinion of course) of this workshop

on “self-discovery”. The course aimed to cover the fundamentals of meditation in theory and practice.

Theory:

* There is a triangle and at one point is the mind, at another the body, and at the other feelings and emotions. And there is a circle connecting these points and encompassing the triangle. The “self” is in the middle of this triangle. The “self” is more than the mind, more than the body, more than the emotions. Even more than the sum of these three.

* Once you start experiencing, not just believing theoretically, that “I” am not the mind, “I” am not the body, and “I” am not the emotions, then you can stand back and observe these three elements without getting swept up by them and lost within them. This detachment from the body, thoughts and emotions is what ultimately can set you free from any misery and lead you to peace and harmony.

* What is meditation? It is a state of relaxed self-awareness. This can be broken down into three components with these helpful tips: comfortable and alert = posture is important and the spine should be straight; present here and now = focus on the breath and the five senses; self-awareness = observe yourself at the physical level, your thoughts, and your emotions or any feelings that are coming up. The easiest entry point is to observe yourself at the physical level, to be aware of your body.

* So is a great formula 1 race driver, or a carpenter, or a surgeon a meditator? They have to be super focused, very present here and now, to win (or even finish) the race, or not saw off a finger or two, or operate. So does this make them a great meditator? No. Why? Because they are focusing outward. Their attention, awareness, energy is on the outside world, they are not observing themselves in the process.

* If something is in the past or the future there is no point worrying about it; it has already happened and past, or it has not happened yet and worrying is not going to help in any way. If there is worry about the present and there is something you can do about it, then do something instead of just worrying.

* Truth is the mind is a worrying machine, if there is nothing to worry about it will create/ rehash something to worry about. That is its main function, what it thrives on. Worrying!

* What is the present? Whatever is here and now! What is here and now? Whatever enters through one of your sense doors, in this moment, just now, and now, and now, and now… If it’s not now, then it’s not the present, it’s not here.

Practical Aspects:

* What does it mean to practice meditation? It means to practice self-awareness. This can happen in silent still sittings, or in action. Either way, the point is to return to the present, to the here and now.

* While in meditation remember… and apply… one golden rule: NO THOUGHT IS WORTH FOLLOWING… without exception! No, really, without exception! No, really, not following at all, no, not even just a little, no, not for just a bit; when you become aware of the thought, let it go, drop it, don’t cling or hold on to it, return to self-observation (the breath, body sensations, stimulus of the senses).

* During meditation if a storm comes (if you simply can not stop worrying about something) then sometimes it is better to simply stop meditating and sort it out, or even simply try to go deeper and get to the root of what this worry is really about, and then return to the meditation free of this worry.

* Some thoughts will always come, some feelings will always come up, some physical sensation will always be there, and you may label it positive or negative. Meditation is not about managing to sit for whatever period of time without any thoughts or feelings or physical manifestations. It is about remaining aware of reality, of the present. And as soon as you are aware that the thread is lost you return to the present, and when the thread of consciousness is lost again you return to the present again, and again, and again. So basically not being completely swept away by the river of thoughts flowing or the river of emotions overflowing.

The more and more you can return to your breath or senses, the more there will be gaps (moments) of no distractions. And then these gaps will last longer. This silence, this stillness, this void… is meditation. And once you start experiencing these more and more, then when thoughts, sensations or emotions come you will not be so easily distracted as before; you won’t be so easily hooked and carried away. And this will automatically carry over to other realms of your life; for example you won’t be so easily carried away by anger or jealousy, you won’t be such a slave to hunger or an itch or sexual arousal, or space out for so long planning years ahead or reacting to a situation based on what happened 25 years ago. And slowly life becomes a conscious choice, lived fully, moment to moment.

Once you become self-aware, aware of yourself, then you have a choice. You can choose to continue with… anger, lust, guilt, screaming, feeling depressed, fantasizing, itching, lying, planning, regretting, lamenting, practicing conversations that haven’t happened, “reliving” scenes that have happened, arguing, drama scenes, picking your fingers, vengeance, stubbornness, confusion, judgements, bossing others around, or whatever it is. Or you can choose to drop it. To just stop. But even if you do not stop, can not stop, you have seen yourself. You have witnessed yourself. You were not completely asleep, mechanically reacting, doing. That means the observer in you was seen, was heard, was felt, even for just a moment. Sometimes we refer to that as “the little voice inside”… that we didn’t pay attention to and only really heard in retrospect after it was all said and done. The more we pay attention to this voice, the more we can just stop instead of getting completely carried away, and we may start to make decisions inspite of ourselves, our fears, personalities, comfort zones, etc. Because now we will be following our inner guidance, which is connected to the universal truth.

It is said that in these gaps, these moments of silence and stillness, you can hear your soul, you can connect to the source, feel oneness, unity. This is when you can connect to your inner master, the godliness within you. It is always there, you simply aren’t always listening or aware.

Useful Exercises:

We worked with another person, facing each other and staring in each other’s eyes. One person would ask one of the following questions, and the other person would answer with just one word or at most a phrase. As soon as the response came, the person asking would repeat the same question. Another answer would come and again the same question was repeated. We continued like this for 5 minutes or so. Then the roles would reverse. The person asking is meant to not show reactions or make comments at the answers, he or she is like a mirror, but probing. He or she is not meant to say anything else, as in no conversations or exchanges, simply state and re-state the question. The person answering is not meant to think about it. He or she is meant to respond without thinking, based on emotions or gut answers. The question repeats every 5-10 seconds if the person answering has not come up with an answer. The pair are meant to continuously stare into each other’s eyes during this process.

(If you would like to try this alone, you can do it facing the mirror and just state the question in your head repeatedly; but believe it or not it’s actually easier to be nakedly honest with another person there probing.)

• What can I say that would make you feel good?
• What can I say that would make you feel bad?

Don’t hold back. Be brutally honest. “That I am pretty/ handsome” or do you really mean “that I am stunning, sexy, amazing, traffic stopping, accident making…” You get the point.

• What are you afraid of?
• What do you want/ desire/ wish for?

The answers to these can be mundane, regular, superficial, what we may consider insignificant, as well as crisis or momentous or life changing events or things. The whole range. From wanting a café latte to wanting to experience true love. From fearing farting in public or spiders, to rape. Everything!

Fear and love can not coexist. In order to walk further into love, you must drop your fears as you go. Fear may still arise of course,

but if you consciously want to go into love you will not follow it and sacrifice love. You will not make decisions based on or from a space of fear.

• What do you worry about? What is here and now?

For this last bullet there are two questions. After the first answer comes, lets say “not being able to loose weight”, then the person asking follows up with “what is here and now”… and inevitably most of what we are worrying about (and we are constantly worrying about something) has nothing to do with the present moment. In other words, not only are we not present, not in reality, not here right now, but we are also spending our energy on something we can not do anything about right now anyway.

Another way to do this last one is to list out on a piece of paper what are you worrying about right now. Write for 5-10 minutes; don’t think, just write, whatever comes comes. Then go back and see how many things on the list refer to the future, and how many things refer to the past. In other words, are you living more in the future or the past? Either way you aren’t living in the present but at least you get to understand yourself a bit better. Of course if you are more preoccupied with the future right now, later on today you might be more preoccupied with the past. Everything changes, but usually there are patterns.

About Osho-Nisarga

We have both mentioned Osho-Nisarga now so maybe it’s time we elaborate a bit. You already know we have both taken sannyas with Osho and that he is our spiritual guide. Ok, so before he left the body he was last set up with his people in Pune (city), Maharastra (State), India. Back in the 70s and 80s this was a real human laboratory from what we are told. Osho designed and guided numerous meditation techniques, and workshops brought in and mixed all kinds of expertise. After he left the body his people continued in Pune, but other centres also opened up across the world which were run by his sannyasins.

Recently, one such centre has opened up near Dharamsala and Mcleodganj in Northern India. This is run by Swami Tatagarth and Ma Neelam. Tatagarth manages things behind the scenes and doesn’t get involved with the programming or the workshops much. Ma Neelam and her daughter Ma Priya handle that. Ma Neelam was Osho’s personal secretary for several years up until he left the body. She was with him for many years and was very close to him; her love and passion for him is evident. She says that Osho talked about having a centre somewhere near the Himalayas near a river… and so she and Tatagarth did just that. And they named it Osho-Nisarga. Nisarga means divine nature. As you can see from the pictures, it is set amidst a beautiful and fruitful valley, on the outskirts of a local village, with the Himalayas as the backdrop, and the said river running through it.

We love to stay in the rooms right next to the river, leave only the screen door shut, and listen to the sound of the river all day and night. Several nights back in April and May we slept out on the porch of the room all night, and once we even dragged out a couple of mattresses and laid them on the grass by the edge of the river and spent the night under the open sky surrounded by fireflies. You can climb down into the river and depending on the time of year and rain fall/ melting of ice there is either a rush of water you can barely stand in because it’s so strong, or a calm flow. The rushing water is like a jacuzzi on steroids. When there is time we can do yoga on the porch or the grass, or just lay there and enjoy the sun. There are also wonderful walking opportunities in any which direction, it’s just nature that surrounds this place.

It is not a big centre like Pune, and has the capacity to host about 50 participants at a time. There are different kinds of sleeping quarters, ranging from simple double rooms and up. When I say simple I do not mean ashram simple by any stretch of the imagination; the rooms are very nice! Breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks are served in the cafeteria and there is a nice courtyard where you can eat if you wish. There is also a hammock where y

ou can relax. And there is one meditation hall, where the workshops are held (only one workshop/ group at a time). In addition, they own some land where they grow vegetables and so many of the dishes prepared are from their organic farm. The food is completely vegetarian and delicious. There are maids who come and clean the rooms every other day, and staff for cooking meals and washing up afterwards. The water comes from their private well which, unfiltered, is good enough to be bottled!

This is the centre’s third year of calendar activities. Since Ma Neelam has such a history with Osho she personally knows many of the sannyasins who were with Osho back then and were guided by him to lead different types of techniques and meditations. While most of these people are now based in different parts of the world, they are coming to Osho-Nisarga to guide meditations, often sharing these techniques in India for the first time since leaving Pune. We are truly blessed to be able to receive guidance from these original teachers, who were guided by Osho himself and who have decades of experience. The participants are a mix between Indians and non-Indians, with a huge range in age (we were in a workshop in May where there were a couple of set of parents there with their teenage kids!), and from all kinds of walks of life. And… this is where we met!

The pictures you see in this post and subsequent posts, and the picassa album, were taken March-June 2008 and August 2008.

If you would like to check out Osho-Nisarga please go to www.oshonisarga.com which is also listed in our favourite websites.

For more pictures from Osho-Nisarga, go to the picassa album: http://picasaweb.google.com/nisargaanddeepa/OshoNisarga#