Home-free!!!

I’m not going to be so dramatic as to say that now I’m homeless, I’m just home-free! What I would not have even considered 7 months ago is now my reality. I moved out of my home. No, I am not moving into a different apartment, I am not moving to any other place. I will continue to spend about 9 months in India and the summers in Europe, for the next two years, and then move onto SouthEast Asia (at least that’s the rough plan)… and have no base in the meantime.

It took 5 long solid days of not leaving the house (not even to go downstairs), lots of sorting, trashing, giving some things away, selling things, piles upon piles and more piles, and so much dust I might have permanently damaged my lungs. This included going through boxes (3 of them!) which had been shipped from NYC when I first moved to Delhi almost 5 years ago… and had never been opened! But it’s done! All my crap is packed and stored: 20 some boxes of books, decorations, dvds, cds, shoes, and papers; 7 luggage of clothes, purses, and accessories; and a bread maker, a glass and teakwood low table, and a mirror which was the first mosaic piece I ever made. Those are all my worldly belongings! (I travel light no?) And its all in my friend Anita’s mother’s basement! I will go from time to time, probably about 4 times per year, to change sets of clothes and shoes or whatever. And I suspect this will be their home (not mine), for the next 3 years… until I am ready to have a base again (ie: until I’m almost broke and need to get a job!).

And so yesterday a new chapter began for me. Delhi had been “home” to me since December 2003. Initially she was supposed to host me for just 2 years, that was the duration of the work contract I signed. And it took about 9 months for me to actually accept Delhi as home. I was miserable my first year, counting down the days until I would be able to leave, feeling like I was constantly drowning. My second year was better but I still felt like I was treading water, just staying afloat. By the end of my second year, when there was the possibility to extend my contract, I felt like I had made such a huge investment in terms of time and effort and it was finally paying off, why not stay a bit longer. My third year I was actually enjoying Delhi and India very much. And by the fourth year I had decided to quit my job and not spend as much time in Delhi but definitely stay in India. Still, this city which I fought against, hated, and bitched about so much earlier on, had become my safety net. My security blanket.

So now, as I am finishing my 5^th year in India, it was time to let go of that too… and in many ways honour what Mother India has tried to teach me. To accept change, to try to flow a bit more and fight a little less, to love more and cling less. As I sat outside on the terrace around sunset the day before leaving I looked around me peacefully, in the process of letting go of the emotional investment I have put into this oasis and the subsequent attachment. The plants had grown so much since I last saw them before the monsoon, new buds were sprouting, and they were all doing just fine without me. The cow bells which were hung up just over half a year ago were rusted and their red rope faded. The birds flew above in packs heading home to their respective trees the way they always do at that hour of the day. The teeny weeny but numerous ant army went marching on from who knows where or to. In that moment, I could clearly see the law of nature that Mother India has consistently shown me, within me and all around me: birth/ life/ new beginnings, routine/ patterns/ habits, change, decay… cycles. And so it is with me, as I enter this phase of this cycle. According to my astrological chart, during this 7 year cycle of my life (lasting another 2 years, until I’m 35) I am meant to push my boundaries and break my pattern habits. Cheers to that!

And as I do that space is freed up for something different, change, even new beginnings. Two days before the movers came I got a call from my father, which in itself is shocking; we spent the first 3 years I was living in India on absolute non-speaking terms… this was probably the 2^nd time he has called since we started speaking again. He was in a great mood, and we had a pleasant conversation, even laughing together. That same day I spoke to my brother and he had great news: he got a job after several months of not having one and he has his ticket to Japan where he is going to ask for his lady’s hand in marriage! Mom is planning her 65th birthday celebration, her and a bunch of girlfriends salsa dancing the night away, and she's dam excited to claim social security and medicare benefits now that she is officially going to be a senior citizen. After the movers came I made a mad dash for the bus and landed up in Mcleodganj the next morning, a day ahead of what Nisarga was expecting; he was so surprised! We talked, cuddled, had a bottle of Spanish wine (we had been saving from our summer trip) over a delicious lunch on the balcony, and slipped back into each others bodies, hearts and energies. Nisarga is in fact the source of inspiration for this new level of freedom I’m entering. My life is absolutely beautiful! It always has been and always is, I know, but right now I’m actually aware of it, I feel it, and I’m so grateful!!!

And I’m grateful to all my friends and family (and even friends of friends), throughout the world, who continue to open their homes and hearts to me. Thank you all for your support, and for reading this far.